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Heading to a bar with someone youve been on less than two dates with can be eye opening. Without having to speak a word, a betch should be able to read subtle ques and signs which point to whether you have a pro, a bro, or a fucking dud. To save you time from being wasted and hair from being torn out in a not-meant-to-be relationship, here are what your guy’s drink order says about him.

1. Gin and Tonic

He probably has money and is a little boring. He also is pretty even-keeled and isnt likely to want to be spontaneous, and prefers staying in and watching Netflix to going out. Enjoy a boring, possibly rich life. Alternatively, he might just be your grandpa.

2. Craft Beer

He loves Obama, loves talking to literally everyone, is intellectual, and can be a fucking pain. Like, if youre into outdoor activities and discussing politics, go for itbut also, we don’t really know why you’re here. And it goes without saying, but he’s definitely a fucking hipster. Do not proceed unless you’re fine with being second to this guy’s food Instagram and his Bernie 2020 Facebook page.

3. Martini

Hes showing hes in charge and attempting to be fancy. Hes likely to be more into commitment and real relationships. Shit, if he goes so far as to make it a gin martini with a specific gin, twist, etc.sink your claws in. Hes also good in bed because he’s likely studied every single James Bond movie, so, win.

4. Margarita

He loves the beach and partying literally all the time, just like you. Hes great for a fling and for heading to a summer concert series and rolling with. However, a steady soulmate he is nothe’s probably got some perplexingly feminism mannerisms to go along with his girly-ass drink order. Just beware.

5. Old Fashioned

If it’s a guy in his 20s, he probably idolizes Don Draper and is gearing up to take over his dad’s company in a few years. Do not go out with this dudehe’ll probably initiate conversation by “negging” you and thinks Brock Turner is “just misunderstood.” However, if he IS actually an older dude, he probably is a Don Draper type, and we say proceed. Then again, Don Draper was a huge fuckboyfuckman?so like, IDK. I know whiskey is supposed to be the “manly” drink and all, but proceed with caution.

6. Jager Anything

If any guy is out there still ordering Jager at a bar, he’s stuck in 2009. He probably follows The Situation on Instagram for fitness tips and laments the day when gelling your hair vertically stopped being cool. He is probably from Staten Island or Jersey or some other place you never want to step foot in. I shouldn’t have to say it, but DO NOT TAKE HIM HOME. If you do, you may never get the smell of Axe out of your sheets.

7. Wine

Hes mature but kind of a pussy. He has his go-tosin this case, wineand he sticks with them. Hes confident and can probably discuss great stock options with you, but, yah, snore. If he orders white wine, hes either gay or European.

8. Shots

If your date starts ordering fucking shots, hes either a) still in college b) an alcoholic, or c) loves the franchise. Run. He also probably loves Express Men and hair gel.

9. Domestic Beer

Meh. Hes just a dude. Hes not a big fan of branching out, he fucking loves football, and has never eaten Indian food. He also thinks salads are weird and worships steak.

10. Rum drinks

Take him on vacay to Punta Cana and hell be right at home. If hes drinking shit like the Captain or Bacardi with cola, hes kind of sheltered and never grew out of his college days. He also may be your creepy uncle. However, if hes asking for muddled lime with his Mount Gays or Goslings, hes manly and worldly. Hes also kind of a know-it-all, but if you enjoy listening more than talking, hes a good catch. 

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