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Regulators found that some bottles of Bombay Sapphire Gin had alcohol levels of 77 percent instead of the intended 40 percent, because the affected batch was “bottled before correct dilution.” This is like when your grade gets curved and you pass a class you thought you were going to fail. Just for reference, Everclear is 75.5% ABV, so this shit would really fuck you up (and probably taste like paint thinner, but let’s focus on the positives here).
Bombay is refunding anybody who bought one of the new
and improved gin bottles and “does not recommend consumption of this product,” which is to say Bombay is lame and cannot hang. Like a warning label has ever stopped a betch on a binge. If we gave a shit about health warnings, we probably wouldn’t be drinking gin in the first place.
Unfortunately Bombay Sapphire’s parent company, Bacardi (#TheMoreYouKnow), came out and said this incident is “isolated to Canada only,” so don’t expect to visit your local liquor store and hit the jackpot. Clearly this gin fuckup is yet another reason we all need to go to Canada. While we’re all jealous of our Canadian betches who are probably still drunk from this Bombay situation, here are 10 more reasons why our neighbor to the north is fucking winning.
1. Prime Minister Justin “when women succeed we all succeed” Trudeau leads their country with perfect hair.
2. Poutine is their drunk food.
4. Ryan Gosling
5. They have universal healthcare.
7. They just nationally legalized weed.
8. The drinking age is 18.
9. They gave us Canada Goose, without which we’d have frozen long ago.
10. Donald Trump isn’t their President.