5) In a speech in Wisconsin he forgot Paul Ryan’s name, so instead called him Ron. Ron, as we know, is not Paul Ryan’s name. It is Paul Ryan. Ron is your step-dad in the Tommy Bahama shirt covered in marlins.
Donny, I’m worried. I think the stresses of the job are getting to you. It seems like you’re absentmindedly wandering through life without really paying attention to anything you’re doing. When you start losing grasp of the smaller details it’s only a matter of time before the bigger ones rocket by like they’re on a Slip ‘N Slide slathered with sex lube. But that analogy sounds like too much fun. The reality is probably more along the lines of Seattle getting nuked by North Korea.
What really worries me is that it seems like you have a history of being unfocused. The ghostwriter of The Art Of The Deal said you have the attention span of a 9-year-old “with ADHD.” After eight hours of interviews your biographer, walked away certain you have ADD. And then there was the hour-long Washington Post interview where you kept getting distracted by a TV airing coverage of your presidential campaign.
It’s fine to get distracted when Melania is gabbing your ear off about wanting to be released from her penthouse prison, but you’ve got to stay sharp on the job. So as a service to you, here are a few tips and tricks to help you stay focused in the workplace.