The whole fun of movies is that these characters’ problems are not like our own. Where our biggest adventures involve trying to chase a cat out from under the bed with a broomstick, these people are running from robot explosions or cross-examining flamboyant serial killers. But lots of times, a little closer look at a movie plot reveals that they were making things way harder on themselves than necessary.

#6. X-Men: Days Of Future Past – Xavier Forgot He Controls Minds

Days Of Future Past was the second delicate reboot of the X-Men franchise. In it, Charles Xavier sends Wolverine back in time to stop Mystique from assassinating Bolivar Trask and prevent a human-mutant war that eats the future. Xavier has a gentleman’s agreement not to use his mental powers against Mystique, so this involves a lot more dialogue and espionage than you’d expect from a man who can control minds.

“We double pinkie swore. That means something.”

What Would Have Made More Sense:

Let’s go along with the conceit that Xavier won’t enter Mystique’s mind and force her to step down. None of us are telepathic mutants and we can never fully understand their ways and customs. But … couldn’t he ignore Mystique and just go into the mind of Trask himself, then incept away all his mutant genocide thoughts?

You’re already in the comments typing this, but the plot tries to account for it by starting the movie with Xavier’s powers being broken. Except they don’t stay that way for long. A few minutes after, you know, trying, he’s mind-controlling people like crazy. He could have gone right up to Trask, shook his hand, and made him devote his life to, say, breaking the dildo-sitting world record. And to make it harder, he could have scanned the world for the man with the most flexible colon and planted it in his mind as well. It wouldn’t have to be exactly that, we guess. The point is he needed something else to do with his life.

“Just keep an open mind on this dildo idea; he already has the mustache for it.”

It’s a movie about saving the world from hate, and they give the main character the one specific superpower that can do that directly. He works hard to make it complicated, but Professor X could do any number of clearly harmless, obviously beneficial things. In fact, once Xavier found out he was going to lose his hair, he could have planted an idea in some TV producer’s brain to remake Star Trek, only with a bald Kirk so women in the future would find hairless men sexy. It sounds ridiculou- wait … dear God … are we, right now, living in the Days Of Future Past universe?

#5. Iron Man – The Forgetful Reporter

Billionaire weapons dealer Tony Stark is kidnapped by a terrorist organization called the “Ten Rings” but manages to survive by fixing the hole in his chest with 1,200 pounds of laser-blasting armor. Late in the movie, Stark discovers his business partner Obadiah Stane masterminded the kidnapping and was secretly supplying weapons to the terrorists. He is shocked! Horrified! And like all things will, this eventually led to a robot suit battle.

It’s the comic book equivalent of slapping someone with a glove.

What Would Have Made More Sense:

Halfway through the movie, a female reporter showed Stark some pictures of Stark Industry weapons being used by the Ten Rings in Afghanistan. When Stark denied his involvement, she retorts by revealing that the weapon’s shipment was officially authorized by Stark Industries:

So with this huge intel, all the reporter had to do was something she almost certainly had in mind all along: report it. She had a pile of information and a quote from Stark himself, surprised by it and not denying it. Stark Industries would have been immediately under investigation by every agency and news outlet. MSNBC’s entire news cycle would be devoted to reading evil Stark documents and interviewing evil Stark employees. However, FOX News’ editorial direction wouldn’t change as they continued to demand, “Why the media can’t just leave evil billionaires alone?”

It wouldn’t take much effort to uncover the plot. Stane’s evil schemes were right there on his computer, and there had to have been dozens of inept, bumbling employees working on his very suspicious personal projects. Plus, with Stark being kidnapped and tortured, that would make Stane the acting CEO and lead suspect before the first inspector arrived at one of their death warehouses.

“I deleted the files! You’ll never catch me now!”
“You know we back up everybody’s files every week in case someone’s hard drive
crashes, right? Pretty much every major company does.”

But … nothing like this ever happens. The journalist shows Stark the pictures and then never bothers to publicize them or even report them to her boss. Is it because Stark slept with her early in the movie, and she is still pining for him? It’d be like a reporter finding out Donald Trump’s business partners had ties to ISIS, then just dropping it in hopes Trump would throw her some dick.

“Actually, this story is going to seem like small potatoes the moment the world finds out Odin is the one true God.”

#4. Transformers – The Decepticons Could’ve Gotten The AllSpark With Their Tiny Spybots

The Decepticons are searching for the AllSpark, a mysterious McGuffin that can turn ordinary objects into transformer objects. The AllSpark is on Earth, and the map to it is etched on a pair of glasses owned by Sam Witwicky’s great-grandfather. In a way, it’s genius — with a map right on your glasses, you can drive to your space artifacts without having to do any folding or refolding.

The Decepticons initially deployed a stealthy spy robot, “Frenzy,” inside Air Force One, where its space Internet sensors discovered Witwicky was selling the glasses on eBay. It then hacked eBay to discover Witwicky’s location. Knowing by now everyone watching the movie would be bored beyond reason, the very next scene has poor Witwicky and his girlfriend, Mikaela Banes, running from vague, robot-like avalanches of metal shapes.

“Prompt payment and good communication, but buyer showed up at my house and attempted to murder me. Three stars.”

What Would Have Made More Sense:

The glasses were on eBay. Couldn’t the Decepticons just, you know, buy them? Like, couldn’t that space hacker Frenzy just put in a bid? It shouldn’t be that hard for a bunch of super advanced space robots to put the cash together, or fool PayPal into thinking they had.

And if coming up with the money was too difficult, the Decepticons still knew the address to Witwicky’s house. They could have sent the same tiny robot in infiltrate his home security, which was probably easier to circumvent than Air Force One’s. It could’ve stolen both the glasses and the AllSpark over the weekend without the government or the Autobots knowing anything about it. It’s only through severe stupidity by every robot and filmmaker involved that this was anything other than, at worst, an online auction or at best, a roboburglary.

“I have this joke for the script … you know how profile pictures are like DMV photos?
Ha ha ha! You know … ha ha, you can’t take another one if it’s bad!!!”

Instead, the Decepticons deployed swarming piles of pots and pans to attack Witwicky. In military terms, it was like declaring war on Mexico in order to pick up a chalupa combo. The plan was so bad, it alerted both the Autobots and every government on Earth who managed to defeat the Decepticons using only 144 minutes of explosions.

The whole fun of movies is that these characters’ problems are not like our own. Where our biggest adventures involve trying to chase a cat out from under the bed with a broomstick, these people are running from robot explosions or cross-examining flamboyant serial killers. But lots of times, a little closer look at a movie plot reveals that they were making things way harder on themselves than necessary.

#6. X-Men: Days Of Future Past – Xavier Forgot He Controls Minds

“We double pinkie swore. That means something.”

What Would Have Made More Sense:

Let’s go along with the conceit that Xavier won’t enter Mystique’s mind and force her to step down. None of us are telepathic mutants and we can never fully understand their ways and customs. But … couldn’t he ignore Mystique and just go into the mind of Trask himself, then incept away all his mutant genocide thoughts?

You’re already in the comments typing this, but the plot tries to account for it by starting the movie with Xavier’s powers being broken. Except they don’t stay that way for long. A few minutes after, you know, trying, he’s mind-controlling people like crazy. He could have gone right up to Trask, shook his hand, and made him devote his life to, say, breaking the dildo-sitting world record. And to make it harder, he could have scanned the world for the man with the most flexible colon and planted it in his mind as well. It wouldn’t have to be exactly that, we guess. The point is he needed something else to do with his life.

“Just keep an open mind on this dildo idea; he already has the mustache for it.”

It’s a movie about saving the world from hate, and they give the main character the one specific superpower that can do that directly. He works hard to make it complicated, but Professor X could do any number of clearly harmless, obviously beneficial things. In fact, once Xavier found out he was going to lose his hair, he could have planted an idea in some TV producer’s brain to remake Star Trek, only with a bald Kirk so women in the future would find hairless men sexy. It sounds ridiculou- wait … dear God … are we, right now, living in the Days Of Future Past universe?

#5. Iron Man – The Forgetful Reporter

Billionaire weapons dealer Tony Stark is kidnapped by a terrorist organization called the “Ten Rings” but manages to survive by fixing the hole in his chest with 1,200 pounds of laser-blasting armor. Late in the movie, Stark discovers his business partner Obadiah Stane masterminded the kidnapping and was secretly supplying weapons to the terrorists. He is shocked! Horrified! And like all things will, this eventually led to a robot suit battle.

It’s the comic book equivalent of slapping someone with a glove.

What Would Have Made More Sense:

Halfway through the movie, a female reporter showed Stark some pictures of Stark Industry weapons being used by the Ten Rings in Afghanistan. When Stark denied his involvement, she retorts by revealing that the weapon’s shipment was officially authorized by Stark Industries:

So with this huge intel, all the reporter had to do was something she almost certainly had in mind all along: report it. She had a pile of information and a quote from Stark himself, surprised by it and not denying it. Stark Industries would have been immediately under investigation by every agency and news outlet. MSNBC’s entire news cycle would be devoted to reading evil Stark documents and interviewing evil Stark employees. However, FOX News’ editorial direction wouldn’t change as they continued to demand, “Why the media can’t just leave evil billionaires alone?”

It wouldn’t take much effort to uncover the plot. Stane’s evil schemes were right there on his computer, and there had to have been dozens of inept, bumbling employees working on his very suspicious personal projects. Plus, with Stark being kidnapped and tortured, that would make Stane the acting CEO and lead suspect before the first inspector arrived at one of their death warehouses.

“I deleted the files! You’ll never catch me now!”
“You know we back up everybody’s files every week in case someone’s hard drive
crashes, right? Pretty much every major company does.”

But … nothing like this ever happens. The journalist shows Stark the pictures and then never bothers to publicize them or even report them to her boss. Is it because Stark slept with her early in the movie, and she is still pining for him? It’d be like a reporter finding out Donald Trump’s business partners had ties to ISIS, then just dropping it in hopes Trump would throw her some dick.

“Actually, this story is going to seem like small potatoes the moment the world finds out Odin is the one true God.”

#4. Transformers – The Decepticons Could’ve Gotten The AllSpark With Their Tiny Spybots

The Decepticons are searching for the AllSpark, a mysterious McGuffin that can turn ordinary objects into transformer objects. The AllSpark is on Earth, and the map to it is etched on a pair of glasses owned by Sam Witwicky’s great-grandfather. In a way, it’s genius — with a map right on your glasses, you can drive to your space artifacts without having to do any folding or refolding.

The Decepticons initially deployed a stealthy spy robot, “Frenzy,” inside Air Force One, where its space Internet sensors discovered Witwicky was selling the glasses on eBay. It then hacked eBay to discover Witwicky’s location. Knowing by now everyone watching the movie would be bored beyond reason, the very next scene has poor Witwicky and his girlfriend, Mikaela Banes, running from vague, robot-like avalanches of metal shapes.

“Prompt payment and good communication, but buyer showed up at my house and attempted to murder me. Three stars.”

What Would Have Made More Sense:

The glasses were on eBay. Couldn’t the Decepticons just, you know, buy them? Like, couldn’t that space hacker Frenzy just put in a bid? It shouldn’t be that hard for a bunch of super advanced space robots to put the cash together, or fool PayPal into thinking they had.

And if coming up with the money was too difficult, the Decepticons still knew the address to Witwicky’s house. They could have sent the same tiny robot in infiltrate his home security, which was probably easier to circumvent than Air Force One’s. It could’ve stolen both the glasses and the AllSpark over the weekend without the government or the Autobots knowing anything about it. It’s only through severe stupidity by every robot and filmmaker involved that this was anything other than, at worst, an online auction or at best, a roboburglary.

“I have this joke for the script … you know how profile pictures are like DMV photos?
Ha ha ha! You know … ha ha, you can’t take another one if it’s bad!!!”

Instead, the Decepticons deployed swarming piles of pots and pans to attack Witwicky. In military terms, it was like declaring war on Mexico in order to pick up a chalupa combo. The plan was so bad, it alerted both the Autobots and every government on Earth who managed to defeat the Decepticons using only 144 minutes of explosions.

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